i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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