wrigley field is MILF paradise
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
