Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
