I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
