I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
