HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
