i permit you to call me
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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