im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
