my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
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