Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
