listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
