Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
