We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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