genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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