I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
