You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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