i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
This girl is more easily done than said...
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
