my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
