you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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