just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
