You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
