If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I just want to make out with him forever
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
