he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Barsexuality is the new black.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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