I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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