a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Enjoy the penises
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
