I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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