I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
