you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
