I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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