My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
