How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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