i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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