The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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