So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
