I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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