o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
