It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Randomize