New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
