Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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