threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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