I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
sex in a hospital.. check
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
