i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
