Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
