let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
