I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
