I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
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