i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
