Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
