im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
