I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
