U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
