Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
