He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
