you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
