TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I am mentally ready for anal.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Shame is for Republicans.
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