drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
