last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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