there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
