didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
