how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
i dont even know how to be here
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
