Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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