did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Randomize
