I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
