So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
