New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
