Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
