i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
